Marriage and True Love

This week’s entry will address marriage and what true love really is. Now it’s not about the Sacrament of Marriage itself, but the sociological factors, and I don’t mean to make it in depth either. This entry has come as a result of an assignment I had in a sociology class. I would like to speak just a word about that: we shouldn’t let anything that we do go to absolute waste, if we find something edifying in it, we should share it with others so they can be edified. Now moving on to the point, marriage and what true love really is.

In this American culture, many believe that “falling in love,” is the reason a man and a woman should get married. However when one, at least if he or she has conventional wisdom, sits down and starts counting the cost of marriage finds that there should be certain prerequisites that should be met. Such as economic stability, which means a good, guaranteed job, and enough money to support all the costs that will come in the marriage, such as bills, housing, food, and other necessities. These factors contribute to the department of responsibility, and of course if there is a real love that is not characterized by physical attraction only, this department of economy, which literally means, “the law of the house,” coming from the Greek word, must be checked off on the checklist as being stable.

The factor of culture and family is also a very big part of whether or not the marriage will take place. Even though today, being in a Western and mixed culture, many think that this is no longer a problem. If this is the case, let an American man go and meet a Russian woman in Russia or an American woman go and meet an Iranian man in Iran, they would then definitely know that they too have a sense of culture and that it is the American culture. Culture still holds a big place in the decision of whether a man and woman will marry or not, even in America. Groups such as the Greeks, Armenians, Copts, and all those newly immigrating groups, which usually come from the above list in large numbers today, still, for most of the time, go by the rule of culture when it comes to marriage.

Overall the factors behind marriage shouldn’t only be whether a man and woman fall in love, although this fact is usually the most painful when realized. There has to be the economic stability and the guarantee that the two will be independent by themselves after the wedding. The culture rule also helps because when the two are of the same culture the problems that arise when the two aren’t, will be eliminated. Truly, it is not a real love if none of the above factors are counted in. Pope Shenouda III has said, “Love is always giving, lust is always taking.” The verb “to marry,” in Spanish, from it’s etymology, literally means, “to make the house,” so it is implying that there are factors that have to be attended to that are not on the individual basis but more of a basis of family.

True love is not romantic love, which seems to be paraded these days everywhere we go. This idea that true love is romantic love without problems is the result of a brainwash that has come from the western culture. But don’t misunderstand, romance is okay, but it is not first, if at anything it should be lastly considered in every decision by engaged couples, and what husband and wife does. I heard a priest, who is a psychiatrist, citing research that found that a normal sex drive for another person lasts only 20 days. The group that was around me gasped when they heard this, because no one could honestly have been expecting that answer. But that is to say what isn’t true love.

True love, however, is the love that is always giving. That means when your spouse has some type of problem, you shouldn’t be thinking, “oh this is completely unromantic,” you should be thinking of how to help. The only thing that our God saw that was not good in the entire Creation was that Adam was alone; therefore he created Eve for him, as a support. Romantic love, which is actually lust if it is the only reason for marriage, is actually a big problem for marriages, and this is what has contributed to the statistic of divorce that differs between 51% - 66%. In fact, here is something we should thank our God for: Protestant marriages, according to a statistic I heard through Protestants, end in divorce higher than non-Christian marriages. But in Orthodox marriages, only 1 in 11,000 fail. That is 0.00011%! Compare that rate to others! True love then, is the love that moves the husband to work to support the family, which moves the wife to raise up the kids at home, which moves the spouses to build a Christian and Godly home, which raises up kids strong in faith, and which gives and doesn’t take.

May God grant us the grace of true love in marriage, that our eyes would always be on Him in whatever we do, following His example and worshipping Him and building our houses on Him; the Rock. Glory be to God both now and ever and unto the age of all ages. Amen.